Not to be happy?

The purpose of my marriage is not to make me happy.
I believe that by following God's description of love you will have the most reliable way to build a dynamic marriage. I Corinthians 13 is the most exhaustive description of Love in the Bible, so it's a good place to start.

I Corinthians 13:5 says, that love is not self-seeking. If love is not self-seeking then what is it? It is looking to another person as someone you have the opportunity to serve rather than someone who serves you. Too often we look at marriage as something that is supposed to bring me continual joy and happiness. Don't believe me? How often have you heard someone on the brink of divorce say, "I'm just not in love anymore" or "I don't feel anything for my spouse?"

I’m not trying to say you won’t find happiness or joy in your marriage; it should provide companionship, pleasure, and other positive emotions and experiences.
We just have to remember that those things are side effects of a marriage that honors God, not the point of a marriage. Did you pick up on that one? Joy, happiness, companionship, intimacy, and pleasure are the side effects of a marriage that is self-less. If you find yourself in any significant relationship that is not meeting your needs, then you need to evaluate the purpose of that relationship.

If we realize that our marriage is about brining God glory and not bringing ourselves bliss, then we have taken the first step toward a dynamic marriage.

Dynamic Marriages

This weekend at Christ's Church of Flagstaff, my wife and I tag-teamed the sermon. Our title was Dynamic Marriage. We hit on four lessons we have learned along the way. This week my plan is to expand on these four topics here at Closing the Gaps, and add a topic or two that we cut from the message.

Here are the four lessons:
Understand that the purpose of your marriage is NOT to make you happy.
Learn how to communicate and receive Love in the Language of your spouse.
Never let your kids ruin a perfectly good marriage.
Learn how to lead your heart instead of following it.

What are some other relationship topics you'd like to explore?
If you find yourself in a marriage or other important relationship that seems to be struggling remember this- everyone goes through tough times. If you bail during the tough times you'll never know the joy and intimacy that comes from working through the those tough times. Sometimes spouses end up like soldiers in a fox hole- bonded together for life because they survived the darkest of nights.

Send some questions or issues and we would love to share our insights. Our marriage is not perfect, but we have learned some incredible lessons along the way.

Here is the audio of Kristi's debut in Flagstaff:
http://www.ccof.net/index.php?%2Fpodcasts%2FSingleEpisode%2F2145

People with Questions

Today I'm meeting with two different men with two very different sets of questions about Christianity. The first is a recent church attender who is considering baptism. The main obstacles are that he doesn't believe in any miracles, that Jesus was sinless, and that the Bible is full of exaggeration. Other than those three things his views are very orthodox.

The second meeting is with an NAU student who is interviewing me for a class assignment. He sent me a list of questions that include things like, "why did you chose to become a non-denominational Christian as opposed to Baptist, Methodist, etc?" Another one was, "What purpose do songs provide during the service?"

This thought has consumed my thinking this past week- We have millions of people coming to an Easter Service sometime this weekend all over the world, and we are going to give them answers to questions they aren't asking. What are you and I doing to make sure we hear the right questions and are providing honest answers? If you preach or teach at a local church somewhere stop and ask yourself, "what questions does this audience have?" If you don't know then spend some time with folks who are honest (honest people are usually hard to find at church- most church people are too polite to be honest about church and God stuff- just saying) and once you've found your honest person ask them questions. Hard questions. Have a non-Christian friend listen to one of your sermons or lessons and tell you all the things you said they didn't understand.

What are some other ways we can listen and learn the real questions of people?

Legacy

I am in Kansas to celebrate the life of my wife's grandfather. Donald "Jiggs" Wilson went home on February 28th. His legacy will last much longer than his 95 years of time on earth. When I first met grandpa Jiggs I was in college and dating his youngest grandchild. He used to all ask me if she was giving me "good lovin and squeezin", nothing makes a young guy more uncomfortable than his girlfriend's grandfather talking about making out, but that was grandpa Jiggs.


His legacy will last much longer than his 95 years. Jiggs was one of the most unique people I've ever met. It is an incredible privilege to be a part of his family and to have had so much time with him and Frances. It strikes me how Jiggs and Frances were able to make everyone feel important. I was not a part of the family until I was married to Kristi, I was grafted into an incredible family. It reminds me of what scripture says when it speaks of God grafting us into His family (Romans 11). Jiggs never treated me like an outsider or waited to see if I was going to make it long-term, he accepted me for who I was and treated me like a grandson.


When I was in college at MCC, I preached for 6 months at the Christian Church in Wilsey. When church was over Kristi and I would drive over to the farm and have Sunday dinner (lunch) with her Grandparents. They were great times- just the four of us. He would always give me a summary of how their preacher did that morning, who just happened to be my good friend Devin Wendt. Week after week Jiggs would go on and on about the fact that Devin did not give a proper invitation. I would on occasion mention that only 17 people were in church and that Devin could clearly see that they were all life-long Christians and an invitation wasn't necessary. His comeback was always, "They might want to re-dedicate their life" or "You never know who needs Jesus and who doesn't". When I filled the pulpit at Pleasant Ridge while Devin was gone, I spent a great deal of time crafting an incredible invitation, Billy Graham would have been proud! That afternoon over the roast, potatoes, and Jell-O, Jiggs told me I preached the best sermon they'd heard at Pleasant Ridge. You and I both know that 22 year old Bible College students don't preach good sermons, but those 3 weeks I filled in I rocked the invitation so that Grandpa Jiggs would approve.

The legacy of Jiggs will last much longer than his 95 years. His children all are following Jesus and impacting their communities and churches. His grandchildren are making an incredible impact as well. No one yet knows what his great-grandchildren will do, but they are building their lives on an incredible foundation of faith. They are carrying on a legacy which will end up literally bringing 10's of thousands of people to heaven to march in the parade with Grandpa Jiggs.

At the Celebration Service someone pointed out that Grandpa Jiggs attended a tiny church and never lived outside of Morris County, KS. Understand when I say a tiny church I mean tiny. We all think the size of our church or our education correlate to our potential impact. The impact we can have in life has nothing to do with our education, the size of our church, or even our own abilities. It has to do with Passion, Consistency, Character, and Encouragement. Those were the words used over and over again to describe Grandpa Jiggs.

If you and I will leave even half the legacy he did, then the Great Commission will be complete in this generation. The last 2 days we've been sharing all the stories of Grandpa and trust me they have been entertaining. Jiggs was an incredible man with an even bigger personality.

You always knew what he thought, and you always knew he wanted you to get better. Everyone who had the privilege to spend time with Jiggs had the opportunity to be a better person. I hope they took advantage. His legacy will last much longer than his 95 years. What will our legacy look like?

For those of you, who knew him, share a story or two here:

Invest and Invite

Right up front, I have to let you know I did not come up w/ this phrase. Someone else did. Those of us who are Disciples of Jesus Christ realize there is a Gap between our current level of evangelism and the level we want to operate our lives at. Following Jesus requires that we share him with others who are far from Him. We know that and we also know that we aren’t very good at it. We have a Gap.

Here is the task I gave during a recent sermon, go to a local bank in which you don’t have any money deposited. Give the teller your ID and ask for your money. The confused look on her face after a few seconds of searching her computer screen will be quite humorous. When she tells you that you don’t have any money at that bank say, “Ok, I didn’t think so, but I thought I’d try anyway.”

That is exactly what you and I do when we walk across the street to our neighbors and invite them to church at Easter or Christmas. You may even think, “Ok, I didn’t think so, but I thought I’d try anyway.”

We understand investment in regards to money, but we don’t often apply the same principles to investing in people. We know that if we want to invest wisely with our money we must set aside (save) a portion of it on a regular basis. We have to sacrifice our wants and desires today for a payoff tomorrow. That makes sense. We don’t all do it, but it makes sense.

Your neighbor who is far from God is no different. You have to display consistency and sacrifice to truly invest in his or her life. You have to set aside (save) a portion of your time to invest in people who are far from Christ. To do that requires a sacrifice that most of us are not willing to make. We have to have time to give; we have to say no to something that we are currently doing with our time. We may have to stop taking our kids to dance classes or soccer practice 4 nights a week. We may have to stop playing so much golf or only DVR 4 shows a week instead of 8. To save money on a monthly basis means that you can’t spend all the money you get each month. To invest time in your neighbor means you can’t spend all the time you get each month.

Once you and I start to consistently and sacrificially give our neighbors time we can then begin to think and pray about the process of inviting them to an event or service where they can encounter Christ. How will you know its time to make an invitation to a church service? Look at your investment with a particular person, if you ask them to church and they aren’t receptive, do you have enough invested that they know you will still be their friend if they don’t accept the invitation?

How do you get started? That’s the hardest part. Start planning a night a month in which you are going to invite several neighbors over for a potluck dinner. Make a decision ahead of time that Sundays from 2-3 you are going to be outside each week and strike up conversations with anyone that comes across your path. Turn off the phone and music during your child’s practice and talk to the other parents. Remember investments take time to mature and pay a dividend. Not all of your relationships will lead the other person to a salvation experience, but your life and the life of your family will be richer when you invest in the lives of others.

Give me some more ideas, how can we all invest in the lives of others?

Follow

Take a look with me at Matthew 9. Have you ever tried to “win” someone to Christ and it just didn’t work out? I know I have- many times. I recently listened to a sermon from Andy Stanley entitled “Follow” I give him credit for many of the thoughts found here. Go ahead go read Matthew 9 and then come back here.
I find it very fascinating to look at how Jesus “did” evangelism compared to how we normally do it. Jesus comes across Matthew who is obviously far from God. Put yourself in the shoes of Jesus for a moment. You are walking by a sinner so despised in his day that he was given his very own label of sinnership, you always see listed sinners and tax collectors. Matthew was so far from God and the rest of the Jewish community they wouldn’t even include him in with regular sinners like prostitutes. What do you say or do in an attempt to help Matthew come to know God and connect with the Father in a meaningful way?
Would you walk him down the Roman’s road? Show him people in the Old Testament who are far more sinful than he? Would you ask him to leave his life of sin and extortion behind? Would you invite him to your church’s next outreach event? Seriously what would you do? Turn or burn? Explain the logical rationale behind God wanting a relationship with Matthew?
Stop and think about what would you do if you walked down the hall of your office, your school, or next door and tried to share Christ with the worst sinner you know?
Look at what Jesus did. He invited Matthew to Follow Him. Pause, reflect on that. When was the last time a preacher gave the invitation to simply take one step behind Jesus and follow him? We usually say, believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God and Jesus is the perfect sacrifice for you and the despicable life you have chosen to rebelliously live. Then we follow that up with stop sinning. Next will come an invitation to a class or learning opportunity at the church. Then baptism is mixed in at various stages of the process depending on your particular background.
Jesus didn’t ask Matthew to change; he didn’t even ask him to believe that he was the Messiah. What Jesus knew about Matthew is what he knows about everyone far from the Father today. If they will start to follow the Son He will lead them to the Father and they will then believe.
At the end of this chapter Jesus looks at the people all around him and his heart is broken. The author (Matthew) records that the people were harassed and helpless, when people are far from the Father, Jesus responds. He is still inviting people today to follow him. He told his disciples the “harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.” That is still true today. The harvest is more than plentiful. So why aren’t more people coming to restoration with their Father and Creator? We have plenty of people in the pews. Everyone who is far from God knows the location of their nearest Christian- right? Please don’t confuse being a Christian with being a worker. Every Christian is literally “called out” to do the work of the harvest, but that clearly is not the case. Please don’t read this and think about the other Christians at your church or group that won’t go out in the field and work the harvest. You and I are the answer to the shortage of workers.
We must follow the example of Jesus and invite those around each and every one of us to “follow him.” The road is not always clear when you follow Jesus, but it starts with today saying, I will try to live as I think Christ would have me to live.

Agree/Disagree- post your thoughts below. Here is the link to the Podcast from Stanley.
http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/north-point-ministries-andy/id211872550

Gaps at your church?

The theme of this blog is somewhat obvious from the title. So let's deal a bit with gaps at churches.

For my friends who volunteer, work, or lead in a church setting: What are some of the the gaps between where your church is and where it should be in 2 years?

For my friends who don't really go to church all that often: What are the gaps between the churches you've been too and the one you would attend if you could just find it?

You can post your answers or message them me on Facebook if you don't want your boss to see them.