Thanks Giving Edition

What are you thankful for this Turkey Day?

I'm first and foremost thankful for a wife who does not do any Black Friday shopping.

I'm thankful for a family that loves God and tries to follow Him.

I'm thankful that the Pastor of my Church trusts me and allows me to try some new ideas.


I'm thankful for the Elders and Directors of CCoF and the support and passion for this church.


I'm thankful for my kids who were always up for the adventure of a new town with new schools and new friends.


I'm thankful for my dad who does so much to help make our family run smoothly.


I'm thankful for all the staff at CCoF who have welcomed me and my family this past year.


I'm thankful that someone can post a Thanksgiving blog a few days late.


I'm super-thankful that McRibs are a seasonal item only.

Latest Sermon

Hey check out this sermon and then give me some feedback

http://www.ccof.net/index.php?/podcasts/SingleEpisode/2557

I Win You Lose

I have been wrecked lately. What wrecked me? The disintegration of relationships between people I know. It happens all the time, but lately it has wrecked me. I was wrecked when a friend told his wife he didn't want to be married anymore. I was wrecked when a teacher was told by his student I have surpassed you. I was wrecked when a teenager quit believing their parents cared about them. I was wrecked when a staff person "planted" a “new” church down the road from his previous church "family" with a group of people who all came from the same church. I was wrecked...well you get the idea. Relationships fall apart around us every day.

I have found a consistent thread running through many of these real life tragedies. Are you ready to find out how wreck most every relationship you have? 

Compare other people's weaknesses to your strengths. 

That's it. Really simple. Sure I admit there are a couple of other easy ways to wreck a relationship, but I have found this practice to be the one we do without even realizing it. 

I am fairly adept at a few things. Things like communication, problem-solving, and telling a story. If I compared you to me in any of those areas most of you will lose. I would wager that you are pretty good at a few things as well. I probably don’t stack up to you in those areas.

If you want to wreck your marriage compare your spouse’s weaknesses to your strengths. So why do we keep doing this?

The only thing I can come up with is that I like to win. I like the things I’m good at; in fact I think the things I’m good at are more important and more valuable to this world than the things you are good at. So when I compare my superior gifts to your inferior gifts I win and you lose.  I like winning and so do apparently a lot of other people.

Ecosystem

Have you ever thought about your neighborhood as an ecosystem? Yes, an ecosystem, that’s a word many of us haven’t heard since high school biology, isn’t it? Here is what the dictionary says about ecosystems, “a localized group of interdependent organisms together with the environment that they inhabit and depend on”.

Does that sound like your neighborhood?

Another source explains ecosystems this way, “The entire array of organisms inhabiting a particular ecosystem is called a community.”
Your neighborhood is a community. It is an ecosystem. So here is my real question. Do you remember what happens when you bring something new into an ecosystem?

What we all learned in school was that if you introduce change into an ecosystem, that change either is beneficial or detrimental to the system. You cannot bring something into an ecosystem and have the system stay the same. You will either harm or help the system around you. This makes total sense when we look at the forest around us. Hunters and campers are not part of the natural ecosystem that exists, and we all realize however careful they are, they will leave an impact behind. Whether that impact is positive or negative is a debate for another forum.

So let’s go back to your neighborhood. To your ecosystem. To your community. Do you make a positive or negative impact on your ecosystem? Remember the answer is never, “I make no impact”.
How about your neighborhood group? What sort of impact do they have on the neighborhood in which you meet? At the very least, you are creating more traffic and less places to park other cars during the night you meet. Let me tell you a secret…your neighbors notice the cars and the traffic, and they don’t particularly care for it.

But what if your neighborhood group made your ecosystem better? What if instead of meeting every Tuesday with bibles tucked under your arms, you went down the street to the older couple who need their gutters cleaned out before winter fully hits? Wouldn’t your neighbor notice that too, and start to realize the cars and increase in traffic bring some good to your neighborhood? What if your group brought about positive change? You see your group has either a positive or negative effect upon its community.

The next two months we have some incredible opportunities in front of us as a church and as a neighbors. Your group could host an Operation Christmas Child party. Pick up a ridiculous number of boxes this weekend and invite all your neighbors who aren’t involved in a church and pack the boxes together while sampling each other’s best Christmas cookies and hot chocolate. You could ring bells together with the Salvation Army on December 3rd. You could take an extra child from the Angel Tree and invite your ecosystem to help you acquire gifts for a child in need of love this Christmas. You could go door to door and ask your neighbors to give canned food for the Northern Arizona Food Bank.

All of these events are not to do anything but help bring positive change to the ecosystem of Flagstaff. I believe they will also help bring positive change to the hearts of those who see and receive these acts of kindness.

This world, this country and this community have very big and real issues. The question is who will begin the effort of bringing the positive change that will address them? If you and I aren’t bringing about positive change into our systems then we are bringing negative change. Neutral is not an option.

BTW- if you are in Flagstaff and aren’t in a neighborhood group, but would like to partner with one during this holiday season, please call or email Jeff Drayton at 522.0462 or at Jeff@ccof.net. If you want information on any of the upcoming community service projects, call or email Jana Ruhlman at 522.0462 or at jana@ccof.net.

Are you a good follower?

Have you ever noticed all the literature in the world is dedicated to leaders? I am even guilty of it; see my last post for example.

Recently I was reading I Chronicles, which is filled with the exploits and heroics of King David. But a section grabbed my attention in a new way. In Chronicles 11, David is holed up in a battle with the Philistines. He says, "Oh, that someone would get me a drink of water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem!"

Only one problem there oh mighty King David. Bethlehem is the location of the Philistine army, navy, and air force. David you are such a big-dreamer. You and have no idea how ludicrous David's desire for water from his home town well is. It might be like Churchill asking for a pint of beer from Berlin in 1942.

Stop and ask yourself this question: If you are a leader, like David was a leader, what would your followers do next?

Awkward silence has crept into your brain hasn't it.

Here is what my followers would do, either laugh out loud, or get some arrowhead water and change the label to Bethlehem Springs. The reaction of David's followers says a lot about him as a leader doesn't it?

But it says alot more about them as followers. If you don't know the story, 3 of David's followers, three of the baddest ninjas in his army decide to go across enemy lines and get David some water, from the very well he desires it from. The NIV says, "they broke through the Philistine lines" these dudes were so bad they didn't sneak into town and steal some water in the middle of the night.

Such was the loyalty to their leader. They were dedicated to David, because God had installed David into leadership. They seemed to understand that as followers their responsibility was to extravagantly provide for their leader.

What is your responsibility as a follower? Most of us followers act as if our responsibility is to point out our leader's flaws and shortcomings. We feel like our job is to keep them humble. We act as if our calling is to be a thorn in their flesh. Many of us look at our leaders and try to guess how we can take over their position. I'm pretty sure if many of us were among David's followers a request for water behind enemy lines would have led to us meeting with the Elders or Deacons to discuss how unfit our Senior Pastor was to lead. Maybe not a big meeting or a grand takeover scheme, but a quiet conversation that starts just between us and our spouse, or our "closest friend" who just happens to be an Elder in your church.

The day has come for those of us who aren't in Senior Leadership to follow well. David had his mighty men, who can your leader count on? Can he count on you to go to battle for him? But Chris, my leader is flawed; he isn't the leader that David was...Read I Chronicles 11:41, go ahead I dare you. Now go read I Kings 11:14-15.

David wasn't perfect, that's not the standard. He was the God-appointed leader, and that should be enough to induce good followership. What can you do this week to support your leaders? Where do they need a glass of water from? What battles can you go fight on their behalf? How can you and I become more like the Mighty Men of David?

Leadership

The last two days I attended the Global Leadership Summit via satellite.
http://www.wcablog.com/
I learned a lot. A couple of the sessions were very inspiring.

I have one lingering thought: Some people are leaders, some people are doers, and most people fall into the second category. Here is the application for me: I need to quit getting frustrated with doers who don't act like leaders. They aren't leaders, God didn't make them leaders, so why am I always feeling so frustrated when they don't act like leaders?

What I'm realizing (and this is for sure a work in progress) is that my frustration is more reflection upon the condition of my heart than it is anyone else. As it was stated today at the Summit the greatest leaders are humble. I realized that my unrealistic expectations of myself and others is based on pride and lacks humility.

I should probably change my thinking in this area. What is challenging your thinking/behavior lately?

15 Years

I just got home from celebrating the 15th anniversary of my wedding. The actual anniversary is next week (Aug. 10th) but Kristi and I went to Sedona, AZ to celebrate the last couple of days. We went to a movie, ate at new restaurants, took and off-road Jeep tour, sat around the hotel room, and walked around Sedona. It was a great time away with the woman I've dedicated to live the rest of my life with.

One of things we kept saying to each other was, "wow- 15 years went fast". We also talked about the next 15 years. I am hoping those won't go as fast, but I have a strange feeling that they may go even quicker.

It was a great reminder to me of how fast life really moves. I realized how much I still have left to do. There are places I want to go with Kristi, memories I want to make, kids to raise, and dreams to fulfill. Those things will only happen with deliberate action- something I forget that. I often fall into the trap that hoping for something is the same as making it happen. I judge myself by my intention to save money for a 20th anniversary trip, not by the actual amount saved so that a killer 20th anniversary trip becomes a reality.

What areas of your life do you judge on your intentions and not necessarily on your actions?

Money in Marriage

This installment of Closing the Gaps is brought to you by my friend, Thanou Thammavongsa-w/ some editing from your's truly. He and his wife Alison are great examples of a couple who have handled their finances in a way that most of us don't. Enjoy

Money is possibly the touchiest subject a couple will eventually discuss during their first few years of marriage. The way each of us had been raised affects our view of money and how to use it. If your household had money for things like vacations, private school tuition, your first car at 16, or luxury items like quads or even boats, it will impact your view on money. In the reverse situation, if you qualified for free lunch, riding the school bus until graduation, your mom gave you bad haircuts, or no year books at the end of the year- you have been impacted in a slightly different way in regards to your view on money.
Coming into a marriage, those things need to be shared, exposed and discussed. While the back story of one’s financial environment growing up could be both good and bad memories, they are important items to discuss and learn about each other through. You may find yourself in a marriage where there is plenty of money or one in which financial stability is a distant dream. Regardless of your take home pay, money still needs to be allocated, to bills, food, mortgage and that car that you wished you never bought brand new.
We must come to realize that the only way handling money as a couple can work is by literally bringing everything to the ante pile. Hold out your hands palms out in front of you and slowly shove your possessions, anxieties, current bills, students loans…etc, forward in one clean push to the center of the table. Declaring that you are willing to go “all in” with your partner, regardless of the jobs you hold, the checks you bring home. I’ve worked four jobs once, while my wife worked two. We were in an uncomfortable situation, but I knew that if we didn’t act NOW, we’d stay uncomfortable for the rest of our marriage. After a mere 8-9 months of hard work and sacrifice, we turned the intensity down, watched our past mistakes dwindle down in the distance as we walked together forward and never looked back at them.
Handling money in a marriage is a partnership; everything is per se, a business decision. It seems that every marriage has a natural saver, and a natural spender. Both of these can be honored and respected, each can have what they want if the necessary expenses are first attended to, and by that I mean, lights, food, transportation and shelter. Once those are done, plan the rest together, like vacations and nights out and the ever so important savings account. Keep a written budget sheet. That way there are no surprises as to where the money has gone to. You both know the expenses and you know the cost of your “life” together. This brings us back to that ante pile, everything is in the open, on the table, ready to share with your partner, there are no others players here, and you are the recipients of that pot. Do it together, because this is the last thing you want to gamble with in your marriage. Partner up, as “money” is one of the leading causes of divorces nowadays; this can be the cause that draws you closer to your spouse. Don’t just work for your money, learn how to have your money work for you, teach it how to behave and don’t let it tell you what to do. You can do it.
Thanou

Lead Your Heart

Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"

Well that doesn't sound too exciting or happy. I'm sure Pastor Osteen won't be preaching on this passage anytime soon. So what does that verse and many others tell us about our hearts?

First of all scripture generally uses the word "heart" to talk about our emotions, not our actual physical blood pumping heart. The actual blood pumping heart is actually very trustworthy and reliable, our emotions- not so much.

Because our emotions are un-reliable we must learn how to lead our them instead of following them. Too many people base their decisions and actions upon their emotions not their will. How many times have you heard someone say, "I'm just not in love anymore." What they are saying is that their heart just isn't in the relationship. Why do our emotions lead us down paths we would never chose to go down. I think it comes down to the simple principle of investment.

What is the principle of investment? Jesus said, where your treasure is that is where your heart is. Your heart will follow your investments. If you spend your time and energy all on your kids, you will love them more than your spouse, at work, on a hobby, at the mall, and with that co-worker who just gets you better than your spouse does. Maybe if you talked to your spouse and invested time and energy into him or her, they would "get" you like the co-worker does.


The main point here is that your heart follows your investment (got that from the Love Dare book). If we don't love our spouse it’s because we have invested our heart elsewhere. Start investing again, go for a walk together. Lot's of people have date nights- husbands you should be planning those nights not your wife. Date night is sorta like holding the door open, men are suppose to do those things. Your heart will follow your lead, where are you leading your heart?

Kristi and I have lunch together every Thursday. We have date nights on a random basis. We spend 3-4 evenings alone doing something together once our kids are in bed. What are some ways you are investing in your marriage? How does this principle apply to singles?

I really do love my kids

I think the hardest obstacle to a dynamic marriage is children. We all realize that our children are an incredible blessing and responsibility. Our marriage is however, our first priority. We often forget that someday our kids will leave home (hopefully) and you are stuck with your wife or husband for life.
The best thing you can do for your children is to show them a great marriage. Our kids know they are loved and valued, but they also know we place great priority on our marriage than on them. We cannot let our children run our families and at the same time build a dynamic marriage.

Too many families are run by their children today. It is easy to see how it happens. Kids are busy today, they are in dance classes, art classes, sports, martial arts, tutoring, and church activities. None of these things look very harmful at the surface, but collectively they add up to kids that are being shuttle from lessons and practices with no real grasp of what childhood looks like. If your family, is so busy keeping up all the activities your kids are under taking, that you don’t have time to invest in your marriage then you need to slow down the pace of your entire family. For the sake of your marriage are you willing to tell your son or daughter that they can’t be on the travel team?

The principal here is about the priority structure of our families. The first priority is our relationship with God, both individually and as a family. The second priority is our relationship with our spouse. Our relationship with our children comes in third place. Most people feel like prioritizing one relationship over another means you have to love one person less than the others. Not true.

Look at this way, have you ever heard a woman say, “my husband loves God so much and has no love left-over for me?” I’ve never heard anyone say that before. Your children will never say, “my mom and dad love each other so much that they don’t have any love leftover for us kids.” Won’t happen, no child ever sits in a counselors chair and says, “my parents were so in love and that’s what ruined my life.”

What I have heard time and time again is this: “I am so busy taking my kids to stuff that I don’t have time for a date night w/ my wife.” I’ve said those very words myself. We can all justify our current behavior and schedules but if you don’t prioritize the relationship with your spouse with some very real and tangible actions then you will some day look across a dinner table and see a stranger whom you don’t love any longer. Life and marriage is too complicated to run on auto-pilot.

Don’t let your kids ruin a perfectly good marriage.

Not to be happy?

The purpose of my marriage is not to make me happy.
I believe that by following God's description of love you will have the most reliable way to build a dynamic marriage. I Corinthians 13 is the most exhaustive description of Love in the Bible, so it's a good place to start.

I Corinthians 13:5 says, that love is not self-seeking. If love is not self-seeking then what is it? It is looking to another person as someone you have the opportunity to serve rather than someone who serves you. Too often we look at marriage as something that is supposed to bring me continual joy and happiness. Don't believe me? How often have you heard someone on the brink of divorce say, "I'm just not in love anymore" or "I don't feel anything for my spouse?"

I’m not trying to say you won’t find happiness or joy in your marriage; it should provide companionship, pleasure, and other positive emotions and experiences.
We just have to remember that those things are side effects of a marriage that honors God, not the point of a marriage. Did you pick up on that one? Joy, happiness, companionship, intimacy, and pleasure are the side effects of a marriage that is self-less. If you find yourself in any significant relationship that is not meeting your needs, then you need to evaluate the purpose of that relationship.

If we realize that our marriage is about brining God glory and not bringing ourselves bliss, then we have taken the first step toward a dynamic marriage.

Dynamic Marriages

This weekend at Christ's Church of Flagstaff, my wife and I tag-teamed the sermon. Our title was Dynamic Marriage. We hit on four lessons we have learned along the way. This week my plan is to expand on these four topics here at Closing the Gaps, and add a topic or two that we cut from the message.

Here are the four lessons:
Understand that the purpose of your marriage is NOT to make you happy.
Learn how to communicate and receive Love in the Language of your spouse.
Never let your kids ruin a perfectly good marriage.
Learn how to lead your heart instead of following it.

What are some other relationship topics you'd like to explore?
If you find yourself in a marriage or other important relationship that seems to be struggling remember this- everyone goes through tough times. If you bail during the tough times you'll never know the joy and intimacy that comes from working through the those tough times. Sometimes spouses end up like soldiers in a fox hole- bonded together for life because they survived the darkest of nights.

Send some questions or issues and we would love to share our insights. Our marriage is not perfect, but we have learned some incredible lessons along the way.

Here is the audio of Kristi's debut in Flagstaff:
http://www.ccof.net/index.php?%2Fpodcasts%2FSingleEpisode%2F2145

People with Questions

Today I'm meeting with two different men with two very different sets of questions about Christianity. The first is a recent church attender who is considering baptism. The main obstacles are that he doesn't believe in any miracles, that Jesus was sinless, and that the Bible is full of exaggeration. Other than those three things his views are very orthodox.

The second meeting is with an NAU student who is interviewing me for a class assignment. He sent me a list of questions that include things like, "why did you chose to become a non-denominational Christian as opposed to Baptist, Methodist, etc?" Another one was, "What purpose do songs provide during the service?"

This thought has consumed my thinking this past week- We have millions of people coming to an Easter Service sometime this weekend all over the world, and we are going to give them answers to questions they aren't asking. What are you and I doing to make sure we hear the right questions and are providing honest answers? If you preach or teach at a local church somewhere stop and ask yourself, "what questions does this audience have?" If you don't know then spend some time with folks who are honest (honest people are usually hard to find at church- most church people are too polite to be honest about church and God stuff- just saying) and once you've found your honest person ask them questions. Hard questions. Have a non-Christian friend listen to one of your sermons or lessons and tell you all the things you said they didn't understand.

What are some other ways we can listen and learn the real questions of people?

Legacy

I am in Kansas to celebrate the life of my wife's grandfather. Donald "Jiggs" Wilson went home on February 28th. His legacy will last much longer than his 95 years of time on earth. When I first met grandpa Jiggs I was in college and dating his youngest grandchild. He used to all ask me if she was giving me "good lovin and squeezin", nothing makes a young guy more uncomfortable than his girlfriend's grandfather talking about making out, but that was grandpa Jiggs.


His legacy will last much longer than his 95 years. Jiggs was one of the most unique people I've ever met. It is an incredible privilege to be a part of his family and to have had so much time with him and Frances. It strikes me how Jiggs and Frances were able to make everyone feel important. I was not a part of the family until I was married to Kristi, I was grafted into an incredible family. It reminds me of what scripture says when it speaks of God grafting us into His family (Romans 11). Jiggs never treated me like an outsider or waited to see if I was going to make it long-term, he accepted me for who I was and treated me like a grandson.


When I was in college at MCC, I preached for 6 months at the Christian Church in Wilsey. When church was over Kristi and I would drive over to the farm and have Sunday dinner (lunch) with her Grandparents. They were great times- just the four of us. He would always give me a summary of how their preacher did that morning, who just happened to be my good friend Devin Wendt. Week after week Jiggs would go on and on about the fact that Devin did not give a proper invitation. I would on occasion mention that only 17 people were in church and that Devin could clearly see that they were all life-long Christians and an invitation wasn't necessary. His comeback was always, "They might want to re-dedicate their life" or "You never know who needs Jesus and who doesn't". When I filled the pulpit at Pleasant Ridge while Devin was gone, I spent a great deal of time crafting an incredible invitation, Billy Graham would have been proud! That afternoon over the roast, potatoes, and Jell-O, Jiggs told me I preached the best sermon they'd heard at Pleasant Ridge. You and I both know that 22 year old Bible College students don't preach good sermons, but those 3 weeks I filled in I rocked the invitation so that Grandpa Jiggs would approve.

The legacy of Jiggs will last much longer than his 95 years. His children all are following Jesus and impacting their communities and churches. His grandchildren are making an incredible impact as well. No one yet knows what his great-grandchildren will do, but they are building their lives on an incredible foundation of faith. They are carrying on a legacy which will end up literally bringing 10's of thousands of people to heaven to march in the parade with Grandpa Jiggs.

At the Celebration Service someone pointed out that Grandpa Jiggs attended a tiny church and never lived outside of Morris County, KS. Understand when I say a tiny church I mean tiny. We all think the size of our church or our education correlate to our potential impact. The impact we can have in life has nothing to do with our education, the size of our church, or even our own abilities. It has to do with Passion, Consistency, Character, and Encouragement. Those were the words used over and over again to describe Grandpa Jiggs.

If you and I will leave even half the legacy he did, then the Great Commission will be complete in this generation. The last 2 days we've been sharing all the stories of Grandpa and trust me they have been entertaining. Jiggs was an incredible man with an even bigger personality.

You always knew what he thought, and you always knew he wanted you to get better. Everyone who had the privilege to spend time with Jiggs had the opportunity to be a better person. I hope they took advantage. His legacy will last much longer than his 95 years. What will our legacy look like?

For those of you, who knew him, share a story or two here:

Invest and Invite

Right up front, I have to let you know I did not come up w/ this phrase. Someone else did. Those of us who are Disciples of Jesus Christ realize there is a Gap between our current level of evangelism and the level we want to operate our lives at. Following Jesus requires that we share him with others who are far from Him. We know that and we also know that we aren’t very good at it. We have a Gap.

Here is the task I gave during a recent sermon, go to a local bank in which you don’t have any money deposited. Give the teller your ID and ask for your money. The confused look on her face after a few seconds of searching her computer screen will be quite humorous. When she tells you that you don’t have any money at that bank say, “Ok, I didn’t think so, but I thought I’d try anyway.”

That is exactly what you and I do when we walk across the street to our neighbors and invite them to church at Easter or Christmas. You may even think, “Ok, I didn’t think so, but I thought I’d try anyway.”

We understand investment in regards to money, but we don’t often apply the same principles to investing in people. We know that if we want to invest wisely with our money we must set aside (save) a portion of it on a regular basis. We have to sacrifice our wants and desires today for a payoff tomorrow. That makes sense. We don’t all do it, but it makes sense.

Your neighbor who is far from God is no different. You have to display consistency and sacrifice to truly invest in his or her life. You have to set aside (save) a portion of your time to invest in people who are far from Christ. To do that requires a sacrifice that most of us are not willing to make. We have to have time to give; we have to say no to something that we are currently doing with our time. We may have to stop taking our kids to dance classes or soccer practice 4 nights a week. We may have to stop playing so much golf or only DVR 4 shows a week instead of 8. To save money on a monthly basis means that you can’t spend all the money you get each month. To invest time in your neighbor means you can’t spend all the time you get each month.

Once you and I start to consistently and sacrificially give our neighbors time we can then begin to think and pray about the process of inviting them to an event or service where they can encounter Christ. How will you know its time to make an invitation to a church service? Look at your investment with a particular person, if you ask them to church and they aren’t receptive, do you have enough invested that they know you will still be their friend if they don’t accept the invitation?

How do you get started? That’s the hardest part. Start planning a night a month in which you are going to invite several neighbors over for a potluck dinner. Make a decision ahead of time that Sundays from 2-3 you are going to be outside each week and strike up conversations with anyone that comes across your path. Turn off the phone and music during your child’s practice and talk to the other parents. Remember investments take time to mature and pay a dividend. Not all of your relationships will lead the other person to a salvation experience, but your life and the life of your family will be richer when you invest in the lives of others.

Give me some more ideas, how can we all invest in the lives of others?