Proverbs 20

God will be watching the purging will you?

"Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, 

and beatings purge the inmost being."

Ok- that verse is just plain awesome! I believe it proves God is an MMA fan.

Here is the verse I want to discuss today though:

"Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right."

Ever had this conversation with a child?

"Son do you love your sisters?"
"Of course I do."
"Then why do you keep hurting them? Stop hitting your sisters!"
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt them sometimes I just want to wrestle and they get hurt so easily."

It seems now that my son is in full blown stage 3 puberty he has no idea how strong he is and how much he hurts his sisters. I know he isn't trying to hurt them too bad, his intentions don't really line up with the results of his actions.

Is that statement ever true of you and me? Our intentions don't really line up with the results of our actions?
As I often explain to my son, if you keep hurting someone no one will believe you love them, even if you say it over and over again. I try to help him understand that his need for physical action and attention can no longer involve the small whimpy person he has as a sister (now one sister can handle it all and even more, but the other one can't). His intention is to wrestle and have fun but the results are crying, bruises, and frustration.

I find the same problem in my life. I intend to go start a conversation with my neighbors but I end up watching ESPN. I intend to rub my wife's feet but I end up talking her into meeting my needs. I intend to have a meeting with a staff member that only focuses on positive things, but I still point out 2 areas of "improvement". I intend to read my Bible but I end up reading a blog instead (ironic I know).

I often hope that the people around me judge me by my intentions, but Solomon reminds us this morning that our actions are the final judge and jury.

What action do you need to stop intending to do and start acting upon? Maybe its an action you and I need to stop...it could be as simple as reading God's Word before you read Facebook. Today is a day of action- pure and right action!

Proverbs 19

"A foolish son is his father's ruin"

"A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping"

If you are any thing like me you read a verse like this one and you start thinking about how your son and wife need to change. I go down a line of thought that is something like, "you better stop being foolish, the Bible says so" or "woman if you argue with me one more time..."

Sometimes I wonder what the inner dialogue of foolish sons and quarrelsome wives sound like when they read these verses?

Too often it is easier to read any sort of information and project it onto the people we know who need to change. You and I both know lots of people who fit into one of the two categories listed in this verse don't we? The constant challenge is to let God's Wisdom speak to me and not spend my time and energy worrying about how other people need to change.

I have to continually take stock and ask if I've been foolish or quarrelsome. I don't want to be either but I often find myself living under those very descriptions. Sometimes just stopping to realize that's how I'm behaving is enough to get me to change course. How about you? What helps you avoid foolish or quarrelsome behavior?

The one thing I always try to practice is waiting to act or even react. I save myself so much pain and heartache when I don't react immediately to negative people or circumstances. One practice that helps me tremendously in this area is writing emails to people and then deleting them before I send them. Its very therapeutic for me- try it sometime. If someone is making you angry or disappointing you tell them all about it and then burn the paper or delete the email. Sending it won't really help the situation anyway.

If you and I aren't proactive and intentional in this life we will continue to be called foolish and quarrelsome. I'd rather be known as patient and wise...but I know those labels aren't given out for free they are the result of a life lived intentionally for God the Father. Thankfully his Son Jesus closed the gaps between my foolishness and God's Wisdom.

Proverbs 13

OK so here is how it went down. Last night our youngest daughter did something she had been told not to do-- play with medicine. She decided to give a toy alligator a bath with soap and liquid Benadryl. The soap got into the brand new bottle of Benadryl which prompted her to tell us of her mistake. For whatever reason she likes to take stuff in the bathrooms cabinets and mix them together. A couple weeks ago it was Vick's vapor rub and some rosemary essential oil stuff. As a result of her decision to mix things together in the bathroom she received three spankings. You would have thought I was ripping her toe-nails out one by one. I'm sure the neighbors wondered if they should call Child Protective Services or not. Yep we spank our kids sometimes. 

I put her to bed early and went up to lay down by her and remind her that I loved her. After I told her I loved her she looked at me with all seriousness and said, are you ready for this...."how can that be, after you spank me harder than any child has ever been spanked? How can that be?" 

She was convinced no one in the history of earth had received what she just received. I actually had to hold her up to a mirror and prove that her butt was not bleeding (she was convinced it was). She sat up for drink of water in bed and said the pain was too much to sit up....I do hope she realizes that she can't keep playing with things that may cause her harm. The entire point of the discipline and ensuring drama was to make sure she never plays with medicine again. I can't take a chance that she'll drink a bottle out of the cabinet, or mix cleaning products. I love her too much to take that chance. 

Then this morning I woke up and read this: "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." Now I know that many people have and will use this verse to justify actions that are extreme and abusive. Please look past their mistakes to understand the principle intended. Our children need discipline. Positive discipline in the form of rules, boundaries, and safety nets. But they also need negative discipline like time-out, loss of privileges and sometimes spankings. 

You and I need the same thing. God loves us too much to allow us to keep doing something that will lead to our own destruction. He disciplines us as a loving father who knows what we do not know. He knows the things we are mixing together may prove fatal one day. He disciplines us and we say, "How can you call yourself loving?" I often look at God's discipline as a 6 year old looks at spanking. I will never expect her to thank me for a spanking, but I hope she looks back at her childhood and sees a father who loved her and guided her toward a life with discipline that allowed her to become all that God has created her to become. I know when I look at my heavenly Father that's what I see and if she sees a little bit of Him in me then I've succeeded. 

How does your discipline portray God to your children? 

What would you think of God if he disciplined you like you discipline? 

Has God's discipline kept you from disaster? 

I really do love my kids

I think the hardest obstacle to a dynamic marriage is children. We all realize that our children are an incredible blessing and responsibility. Our marriage is however, our first priority. We often forget that someday our kids will leave home (hopefully) and you are stuck with your wife or husband for life.
The best thing you can do for your children is to show them a great marriage. Our kids know they are loved and valued, but they also know we place great priority on our marriage than on them. We cannot let our children run our families and at the same time build a dynamic marriage.

Too many families are run by their children today. It is easy to see how it happens. Kids are busy today, they are in dance classes, art classes, sports, martial arts, tutoring, and church activities. None of these things look very harmful at the surface, but collectively they add up to kids that are being shuttle from lessons and practices with no real grasp of what childhood looks like. If your family, is so busy keeping up all the activities your kids are under taking, that you don’t have time to invest in your marriage then you need to slow down the pace of your entire family. For the sake of your marriage are you willing to tell your son or daughter that they can’t be on the travel team?

The principal here is about the priority structure of our families. The first priority is our relationship with God, both individually and as a family. The second priority is our relationship with our spouse. Our relationship with our children comes in third place. Most people feel like prioritizing one relationship over another means you have to love one person less than the others. Not true.

Look at this way, have you ever heard a woman say, “my husband loves God so much and has no love left-over for me?” I’ve never heard anyone say that before. Your children will never say, “my mom and dad love each other so much that they don’t have any love leftover for us kids.” Won’t happen, no child ever sits in a counselors chair and says, “my parents were so in love and that’s what ruined my life.”

What I have heard time and time again is this: “I am so busy taking my kids to stuff that I don’t have time for a date night w/ my wife.” I’ve said those very words myself. We can all justify our current behavior and schedules but if you don’t prioritize the relationship with your spouse with some very real and tangible actions then you will some day look across a dinner table and see a stranger whom you don’t love any longer. Life and marriage is too complicated to run on auto-pilot.

Don’t let your kids ruin a perfectly good marriage.