Money in Marriage

This installment of Closing the Gaps is brought to you by my friend, Thanou Thammavongsa-w/ some editing from your's truly. He and his wife Alison are great examples of a couple who have handled their finances in a way that most of us don't. Enjoy

Money is possibly the touchiest subject a couple will eventually discuss during their first few years of marriage. The way each of us had been raised affects our view of money and how to use it. If your household had money for things like vacations, private school tuition, your first car at 16, or luxury items like quads or even boats, it will impact your view on money. In the reverse situation, if you qualified for free lunch, riding the school bus until graduation, your mom gave you bad haircuts, or no year books at the end of the year- you have been impacted in a slightly different way in regards to your view on money.
Coming into a marriage, those things need to be shared, exposed and discussed. While the back story of one’s financial environment growing up could be both good and bad memories, they are important items to discuss and learn about each other through. You may find yourself in a marriage where there is plenty of money or one in which financial stability is a distant dream. Regardless of your take home pay, money still needs to be allocated, to bills, food, mortgage and that car that you wished you never bought brand new.
We must come to realize that the only way handling money as a couple can work is by literally bringing everything to the ante pile. Hold out your hands palms out in front of you and slowly shove your possessions, anxieties, current bills, students loans…etc, forward in one clean push to the center of the table. Declaring that you are willing to go “all in” with your partner, regardless of the jobs you hold, the checks you bring home. I’ve worked four jobs once, while my wife worked two. We were in an uncomfortable situation, but I knew that if we didn’t act NOW, we’d stay uncomfortable for the rest of our marriage. After a mere 8-9 months of hard work and sacrifice, we turned the intensity down, watched our past mistakes dwindle down in the distance as we walked together forward and never looked back at them.
Handling money in a marriage is a partnership; everything is per se, a business decision. It seems that every marriage has a natural saver, and a natural spender. Both of these can be honored and respected, each can have what they want if the necessary expenses are first attended to, and by that I mean, lights, food, transportation and shelter. Once those are done, plan the rest together, like vacations and nights out and the ever so important savings account. Keep a written budget sheet. That way there are no surprises as to where the money has gone to. You both know the expenses and you know the cost of your “life” together. This brings us back to that ante pile, everything is in the open, on the table, ready to share with your partner, there are no others players here, and you are the recipients of that pot. Do it together, because this is the last thing you want to gamble with in your marriage. Partner up, as “money” is one of the leading causes of divorces nowadays; this can be the cause that draws you closer to your spouse. Don’t just work for your money, learn how to have your money work for you, teach it how to behave and don’t let it tell you what to do. You can do it.
Thanou